Freedom From Facebook Fugue

First, the fugue:

“Kinda bored.  Working on my laptop but I’m starting to drift.  I’ve already removed Facebook from my phone and buried the link on my computer so it’s not on my bookmarks bar.  But, there it is.  I’ll check in and see if I have any little red numbers.  I’ll only pull up any notifications then then I’ll get out of there.  I will not scroll.

Holy crap.

What a funny post!  What’s that underneath?  Oh, my aunt when on vacation and posted picks.  That looks kinda fun.

My in-laws are also on a trip to Europe and they are posting pics as they go.  Lots of places I’ve never been.  Lots of places I’ll never go. Still, it looks like fun.

A few more down…

Dude!  Why would you post that?  I though this guy was smart. Ah man, I didn’t know he was some libertarian nightmare.  Wait?  Is this a bit? Am I not getting the joke?

Jesus, just wear the mask and show empathy toward your fellow man.  I thought you guys were supposed to be tough.  You whine way more then millennials do.

No, that’s a scam, distant cousin.  That meme has been making the rounds.  Don’t fall for it.

Yes, now this is a post!  Science is real, dummies!  I’ll like that for sure. Click.

Jeez, more Europe photos? Are you actually having fun on the vacation or do you just want everyone to know that you are?

Ad.  Campaign ad.  Gluten-free cereal.

Seattle Seahawks post.  Sci-fi movie post.

A friend request from a friend of a friend.   I barely know the first friend.  Delete.

A friend had a huge night out with a bunch of his people.  They all look like they’re having fun.  But I’m not there.  I’m a few time zones away. 

This one specific thing is ruining America.

This one isolated story illustrates an idiotic point.

Giant thread about an issue I do not care about at all, yet I’m supposed to have a take.  I feel like trolling this thing but I know it’s a ticket to a giant mess. Skip down.

Spongebob?  How’d he get in there?

More opinions.  More misquotes from people who never said anything close to what has been attributed to them.  More shit about dreams and hopes and kids and sisters and dogs and truth and love and marriage.

Another ad.  New Bond movie promo.  Mattresses.

I’ll check my notifications.  They liked my clever post.  Only two people, though.  I wish there were more.  I shouldn’t care at all but I keep wanting more people to like what I post.  Last year I put up a whole photo gallery with comedy bits and everything and nobody liked it.  I suck.

I’ll check my friend’s page.  He has so many more friends than I do. He always gets comments and likes.  I suck.

Why are all my ads about movies and knick-knacks and garbage?  I suck.

When was the last time I posted a photo of me what I was doing something fun?  I suck.

Well, I’m glad I checked my notification for two measly likes.  Now I feel like shit.  Why do I open this god-forsaken website every day?”

I feel like crap most of the time I go to this site.  I was just on a two-day work trip and I had my usual distractions, podcasts, music, scenery…but I kept coming back to some stupid comment someone made on a friend’s post.  I don’t even know the guy!  He was a simple-minded doofus and instead of moving on, my brain kept chewing on the conversation I’ll never have with him. Why did I even read that comment?!  That happens enough to me in my day-to-day, I don’t need a buffet of terrible thoughts invading my brain, especially when it’s so easy to avoid!

It's like looking at an old school photo album.  You sit back, blow the dust off the cover, and flip through the pages.  You look at your kids when they were babies, or you, when you were skinnier and didn’t have a bunion. If it was like Facebook, every third page would be a full-page ad for Home Depot.  Then two pages of memories.  Then a political mailer.  Then someone else’s political mailer.  Then more memories, then someone else’s memories, then a written, detailed argument between two people you barely know, then some memories…

Facebook fun is friggin’ futile. I don’t want it and I don’t need it.  That’s not true.  It is my one and only outlet to get my writing out there, at the moment.  So, I’ll have to be selfish.  I’ll have to just look at reactions to things I’ve posted then bail.  Just in case anyone wonders why, I’m pushing away from social media for about nine different reasons but the primary purpose is to not feel like poop.