#MeToo Showed Me How Dumb I Was
When
I was little, girls were a mystery. I
grew up with a brother, and I was catastrophically shy, as detailed in a dozen
other blog posts. I was afraid to talk to them, afraid to be around them, and
when a girl would speak to me at school, I froze.
It
wasn’t long before they were part of my everyday life, and I became attracted
to them. I still had no idea what to do, but I looked at this new wrinkle as a
problem that I wanted to solve. They looked different, spoke different and
liked different things. I also noticed the other guys were also attracted to
them, and they had different ways to get their attention. My way was to simply continue being shy and
hope that someone would do all the work for me.
It wasn’t a good plan.
As
I grew older and went to work, my interactions increased, and I forged a few
relationships. I was clumsy, but I
tried. I’m an observant person and the
air of mystery dissipated. Women were
human, just like men. Some smart, some
dumb, some happy, some sad, some successful, some not-so-much. It was merely repetition that got me
there. The simple act of waking up every
morning and trying again.
Unfortunately,
there were a few more important lessons to learn about women that I didn’t even
realize were there the entire time. By
that I mean, since the dawn of civilization.
How
did you react when the #metoo movement kicked in a few years ago? Were you one of the millions who revealed
they were the victim of harassment or even worse? Were you a person who didn’t give a shit at
all? Were you cognizant of all of this and
unsurprised by the number of responses?
Or were you like me, completely shocked?
Not shocked by the treatment of one person to another; I’m not that
naïve. I was shocked at how ignorant I
was. I was embarrassed. I felt stupid. I like to think I’m smart and evolved, but
the #metoo movement dramatically informed me that I didn’t know jack shit about
the very world I lived in.
How
the hell could there be this many stories of harassment, assault,
marginalization, and rape? Or more
specifically, how the hell could all of these be out there, and we didn’t know
about them? The sheer volume of
legitimate legal and civil cases would require a second justice system to wade
through. There were repeat offenders walking the streets, running businesses,
raising kids. There were guaranteed
felons living their lives and the police weren’t even looking for them.
The
answer is the worse part. It’s the
shittiest part of this entire story.
Whey weren’t these cases, complaints and eyewitness account part of the
public record? Because many of the women
involved were convinced no one would listen. No one would believe them. No one would care. Presumably, they believed
this was just a part of life.
You
hear what I’m saying, right? Half the
world is pushed around every day and it isn’t front-page news.
I
still can’t shake that off. I feel like
a complete moron.
Call
it patriarchal, white privileged, or whatever the best term may be. They’re probably all correct. I’m an
American. I’m used to regular people
with less money getting fucked over by those with more money. It’s the American Way. I’m used to people of
color getting fucked over by white people.
It is the central theme of American history. Read it.
Studied it. Got it. But this?
How much have you ever read about women getting fucked over in your
standard history text? A chapter on
suffragettes and that’s about it. A giant veil was lifted in front of me and
every story I’ve ever known, both fictional and nonfictional, now is tainted
with someone’s untold or overlooked story.
Every
book. Every pop song. Every movie. Advertising, education,
business, technology. The language, the idioms, the comedy, the tragedy. It’s not what you think it is. It has another meaning.
Again,
I’m a dope.
Going
back to being an American: The one thing we all share is a rebellious
spirit. We speak up, protest, bitch,
complain. We exercise our rights to free
speech. The notion that half the
population considered not saying anything when something heinous happened to
them is enough to send chills down your spine.
That means the ones who reported got nothing. Or screwed over in a
different way. They didn’t get justice
or a chance to get even. Is there
anything worse than no one believing you? You were assaulted or demeaned in
some way and no one buys your story? And
you accept that?
The
news has been full of stories about people of color and interactions with the
police. From annoying harassment to
outright murder. It jumped out at me that if the rest of society wants to deal
with this issue, the least they could do is acknowledge that it EXISTS! The stats are there, the video footage is
there, the body count is there. How
completely fucked-up is it that you can’t get a fellow human being to believe
one of the worst experiences of your life?
How does someone heal or learn to trust again after that?
Now
multiple that by half the world.
Are
you looking for a solution? I don’t have
one. I’m only acknowledging my ignorance
and my struggle to understand. Sometimes I think that as we sort all of this
out and adjust the justice system and society as a whole, men should introduce
themselves to women by saying “I’m sorry.” Not to be flippant, but to just
acknowledge. I see you. I’m aware.
Maybe
just be fucking nice to people regardless of who they are? Try that shit out for size?