You Aren't Going To Be Rich and Famous

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I don’t mind saying that I believe that I am a successful parent.  I don’t know what to use as a metric, but my kids are three pleasant, healthy, young adults who each are self-aware about their place in this world.  I’d say that’s pretty good.

When you think about measuring human beings like this, it is also important to note what they are not.  They aren’t hurting anyone, and they aren’t a drain on other human beings.  That counts.  The one detail I have pride in is that they don’t want to be rich and famous.  It's not in there.  At all.  And I don’t mean that they secretly want to become famous and they are just pretending.  They have no interest.  Rich?  Well, maybe.  I have one or two that wouldn’t mind dealing with that problem.  But it’s not a driving force.

Like it was for me.

Also, some of you.

Hey, everybody.  You’re not going to be famous.  I wrote about this a few years ago, only a few weeks after I admitted it to myself.  It’s not going to happen.  I don’t have to pretend that it means nothing to me anymore; lying to myself and everyone around me.  It did.  Once upon a time.  But adulthood and reality take their time for each one of us.

And I mean each one of us.  You too.  You aren’t going to be famous.

The problem we have as that fame is a goal.  Some believe that fame will fill a hole inside.  It will solve problems that a normal life could not. It can’t. It won’t. Someone put it like this: Fame is simply increasing the number of people that have opinions about you. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound that appealing. It’s certainly not a goal.

I know why I wanted fame.  Validation.  Attention. Something to do.  All the things I never got as a kid.  When you get older you understand those holes in your soul aren’t filled with other people.  They are do-it-yourself projects. If you can’t seal them shut or learn to deal with them, they will control every decision you make. 

Back to my kids. We gave them something somewhere along the way that prevented the holes from forming in the first place.  A sense of belonging.  Being there.  A sense of practicality.  Probably a combination of those, plus a few more things.  I’m sure there are good parents who have kids who become famous, but that’s not the point.  That’s also not the norm. 

Becoming rich is another beast. 

Hey.  You aren’t going to be rich, either. 

Stop thinking that you will.  Stop planning for your future as if it will happen.  Stop voting like you will be rich, while you’re at it. We live in a rich country, we’re individualistic, and we take pride in the underdog. So many of us think it will happen. We love when someone beats the odds.  But remember, they are odds.  They are tough to beat because of math, and the math says you are most likely not going to be rich. 

I wanted my kids to be happy and satisfied. Happiness is amorphous. It’s a fleeting emotion. I don’t really know what it means for anyone but myself, and even I’m not sure.  But satisfaction is something you can nail down. That comes from being interested in a thing, and that thing makes you feel synced up with the universe.  That could be biochemistry or waiting tables.  It’s that thing you feel when the world drops away and there is no yesterday or tomorrow, no bills or problems…it’s just you in that moment. You are present.  That is when we are the most satisfied. 

Fame is meaningless in that moment, and you can’t buy it with money. 

I wish I could have told my kids where to go for that feeling of satisfaction that makes fame and fortune pointless.  But I don’t know where it is.  Their job, like ours, is to find it.