My Anxiety Files – Remember Kids, Almost No One Gives A S#!t

Oh Grimey, you never learned...

            (I hope this comes off right...)

            I have paid attention in my life.  I have tried to learn and grow, think and explore.  My goal has been to find pieces of wisdom along the way.  If my children ever ask me what is the most important life lesson I’ve learned, I will answer with these words: Almost No One Gives A Shit.

            It may sound depressing or angry or negative, but I believe it is just the opposite.  It is liberating and, most importantly, it is the truth.  It may be a bummer to look out onto the world and believe that almost no one cares about your life and what you do with it.  But think for a second, do you really care about their lives?  Sure, you don’t want bad things to happen, unless you’re a monster. Our human brains can only handle so many crucial emotional connections. When we look at the world, we have to be a strict pee-wee football coach.  We gotta make some tough cuts.

            This is not a modern phenomenon; it how human beings are.  It is neither a good sign nor a bad sign.  It just is.  It also can help you.  If you have trouble regulating your emotions, or you are overwhelmed by life in one way or another, it is a form of freedom. So much of our lives is spent predicting what others think, and making decisions based on those predictions.  As you grow older you realize that you aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things; just to that tiny little circle you’ve created.  The judgments we thought others were thinking were not only untrue, they never existed in the first place.  That guy whose opinion you don’t really care about isn’t thinking about you.  He never was.  In fact, those people you are very close to you aren’t thinking about you all the time either.  There is no reason to feel embarrassed, ashamed or self-conscious about your decisions.  It is proof that judgments are nothing but fleeting thoughts.  Because truly… almost no one gives a shit.

            The more people acknowledge this, the happier we’d all be. It is the cure for paranoia. I can’t tell you how many homes I’ve approached in my job that look like low-rent compounds out in the countryside.  Threatening security signs, video surveillance, no trespassing. They are all devices to fuel a belief of self-importance and the big Other.  Maybe it’s exciting to think someone is “after you.”  The truth is, no one is watching you. No one. Nobody gives a shit.  The government is the same.  They have records of phone calls and correspondence, and I believe it is an invasion of privacy.  But I also know that the government is another name for a group of human beings who do a certain group of jobs. They work Monday through Friday and don’t exactly get paid well.  Most of all, they are humans, and therefore almost none of them gives a shit.

            They don’t care.  They are just as busy as you are to care.

            Almost is the key word.  Because a tiny few people actually do.  That is important.  The comfort that comes from knowing there are people that care about you is incredibly powerful.  For some people there are only one or two.  Maybe, if you are lucky, you get seven or eight.  They do give a shit about the big stuff in your life, and if you are doing your job as a loved one, you give shit about them.   But this circle is small, and I think it has been scientifically proven that it is supposed to be small.  These are the relationships that are nurtured and carry the weight in your life.  The opinions you perceive of that neighbor down the street, or the dude at the Safeway, or that snotty kid at the movie theater have of you have no bearing on anything at all, for three reasons.  One, they aren’t in your circle.  Two, whatever perceived thoughts you had of their opinions aren’t valid to them because you aren’t in their circles.  And three, there aren’t really any opinions to begin with because…well, you know.

            Don’t worry about it.  No one is really paying attention.

            We expect way too much out of our fellow man and ourselves.   I think that is where we get into trouble. This illusion feeds anxiety and depression and that’s just not okay.  The expectations form judgments, and judgments mask the overwhelming truth of not giving a shit, otherwise known as NTA, or Near Total Apathy.  Self-improvement is fine and healthy.  But the influx of the opinions of others have no place in that process.  That’s why it’s “self” improvement.  Maybe you want to go back to school or lose 30 pounds or get a 10% raise or have a kid.  That is for you, and perhaps your partner.  But the truth is, almost no one gives a shit.  Do what you need for yourself.  I’m not favoring some Rand-inspired world of individualistic pricks; in fact I lean pretty socialist.  It is not a cold, heartless and disconnected world I envision.  It is one where we aren’t concerned with being better or worse than our neighbors.  You can be yourself, and strive if you want to, but we aren’t burdened with the perceived thoughts of others.  It is not based on what we are doing. My utopia is based on the fact that we have acknowledged to each other that for the most part, almost none of us give a shit about what the rest of us do, so follow you dreams or your heart, or your pancreas if it suits you.

            I don’t care also means feel free to do so.

            I have to make one addendum.  This acknowledgement of the limits of how may people we care about does not reflect a view of the people outside of our circles.  This isn’t a political or social stance.  It is a mental one.  I don’t believe that I just care for me and mine so fuck everybody else.  I have generalized hope for humanity, based on…well that is another piece altogether. I hope for good things to happen to people; I want a peaceful world.  If my explanation of Near Total Apathy means anything it is that humanity is a much more capable species; we just have to accept that most of what holds us back is in our stupid heads.