I Loved It All

            I loved getting kicked in the nuts with thick Stride Rite shoes. 

            I loved stepping on tiny Legos on the floor of every room in the house; each one jabbing into my bare feet.

            I loved when there was a poop smear all over the crib.

            I loved discovering a missing bottle of formula wedged behind the crib; and the foul, cheesy smell that blasted my face as it was emptied into the sink.

            I loved carting that damned diaper bag everywhere.

            I loved all the clothes you had to buy for only a three-month period.  Only to buy more later.

            I loved how he threw up in my mouth.  I loved how he pissed on the couch.

            I loved freaking out when one slammed his head into a coffee table, and the other one scarred his head on the dining room table.

            I loved having to keep calm when I saw a lot of blood.

            I loved when she had such a weak stomach that she vomited if food was offered at the wrong time.

            I loved our disgusting carpet.

            I loved losing my temper and feeling like a monstrous asshole afterwards.          

            I loved when they screamed after stepping into an ant-hill.

            I loved how she twirled her hair so much she had bald spots.

            I loved because he got a cheap ring stuck on his finger so we had to take him to a jeweler to get it cut off.

            I loved how he slept on my chest because he was too afraid of the Disney hotel.

            I loved how he shot a Nerf gun in the other one’s face.

            I loved how she shrieked at the boys’ robotic bug toys.

            I loved reliving math homework and science projects.

            I loved school fees, field trip fees, locks, expensive calculators, folders, backpacks, paper, pencils, glue, crayons, and making lunches.

            I loved the terror of a dark, humid house without power as a giant hurricane roared through and we huddled in a tiny hallway hoping the roof would hold.

            I loved trying to prepare them for Middle School.

            I loved picking them up from baseball, football, track, drama and band practice.

            I loved the myriad of questions.

            I loved battling ambivalence toward school, checking homework, skipping chores and talking to teachers.

            I loved not knowing what was bothering them.

            I loved having to acknowledge we had to buy monthly “girl stuff”.

            I loved hearing the doors closed and having to knock before entering. 

            I loved the lack of chit-chat and when they left to hang out at other kids’ houses. 

            I loved that they were tall and in charge of their own time.

            I loved that I didn’t have as much to do anymore.

            Why?

            Because I wouldn’t get all the really good stuff.  And since this list constitutes about 7 or 8% of the total experience, it was mostly good stuff.

            You know what’s interesting?  I was going to write a list of the good things at this point, but I hesitated.  To me, it would almost feel like a rich jerk writing about how cool his vacation homes are and how many hot chicks he has around him.  Writing a list about all the great stuff my kids gave me feels like gloating.  Seriously.

            That's how good it was.