The Quest for Fun: Episode XI – The Hidden Equation

            (I'll be back in August.)

            I put out a podcast for four years called Shouts From The Lawn, and in that time I made quite a few sensitive public admissions.  One of the most unusual was very early on where I admitted to my brother that I am not fun.  No only am I not fun, I truly don’t know what fun is or how to have fun.  Since then, I have worked hard to find the fun in places where I should be having it, but I still don’t believe I have the basic building blocks of how to construct my own fun.

            Over the years I managed to have a few gatherings of friends, which is pleasant and fun.  I have had a few fun times with my kids, outside of the normal goofing around at home.  So I have to give myself an A for effort.  I am trying. 

            But grown-up fun, the type you see in commercials and on Facebook, where a group of adults are laughing or smiling or sharing stories over beer or cocktails has eluded me my entire life.   I just don’t have the skills to engage, or participate, or fit in.  I’m just…home.  So sometimes I brainstorm on how to change this behavior.  I want to change in a way where I can’t turn back.  I want to be able to have fun as easily as normal people and I’d like to bring my wife along, because she also has this problem, although she is not plagued by it as I am.

            The first thing I do is imagine the things I like to do.  I accomplish that.  Then, everything goes awry.  The reason I go no further is, all of the things that I really like to do are by myself, or at least do not require a bunch of people.  I discovered an important variable.  You need people to have fun.  Awesome.  I have come that far.  Now to go and meet people.

            Oh yeah.  I haven’t been successful in that endeavor in 2o years.  Now I’m right back where I started.  I’m in a solo pursuit.  In fact, I am in the middle of it right now.  I am writing about fun instead of having it.  That is me.

            I have to tiptoe around the reasons behind this situation.  It’s chronic, it is a little sad and it is very, very real.  But I’m 42 years old and I am in charge of my fun now.  I have to figure out a way into the fun I want to have. 

            The equation I settled on was this:

            An activity + like-minded people + free time = Fun.

            Most people would think it is ridiculous to even think of fun with math symbols floating around.  They’re right.  But they also come to fun much easier than I ever will.  The truth is, most of my adult life has been without these core elements.  First, I have never been one to think of activities.  It is why I am in this mess to begin with.  I always am content with company.  I just liked having people around, and at least when you are young, that means just hanging out.  But life should be more than just hanging out.  This is where my imagination and experience fails me.

            Second, I have not been able to make friends.  Most of the people I’ve met are acquaintances or coworkers, who disappear from my life over time. It is tough to find forty-somethings with grown kids.  Everybody is single or too old.  No offense, but we just didn’t live similar lives; similar enough to consider them like-minded. The like-minded people in my life are the oldest friendships, and I made those while I was still a teenager.  I’m lucky, but most of them live on the other side of the country.  It’s great for phone calls and texts, but it sucks for going bowling.  (That’s still an activity, right?) 

            Then there is free time.  Here’s where things have changed.  I have much more free time in my life.  Two of my kids are doing their own thing, and my daughter is entrenched in the workload of high school.  I have time to do things now. But, without the idea of things to do or people to do them with, I spend a lot of time writing and watching movies and shows.  I like the extra time with my wife, but we both need something new to do.

            So now, I search.  I looked at group meetings on Craigslist.  They have a lot of support groups, which is cool, but not what I need right now.  There are a lot of World of Warcraft people and LARPers that get together.  I don’t think that’s me.  There are a few adult leagues that play kickball and other weird shit, and that could be cool.  I need a little extra money to do that, but then I would not have to worry about the activity.  They would have one settled on already…

            This piece is as unfinished as the quest.  I will update from the frontier!