Morning Jim vs. Afternoon Jim

Oh, brains. Aren’t they so wonderfully fucked up and ridiculous?  I’m quite sure mine is. 

I had to explain in an older post that I am a morning person.  I’m not pleasant and nauseatingly positive like a stereotypical morning person, I’m just firing on all cylinders earlier in the day.  I work early, I plan early, I come up with ideas early.  The afternoon is a slog where I set up menial chores and the occasional nap.  At some point in the evening, I get one more window at full power then I’m done.  I don’t stay up past ten and I prefer it that way.

Even though my energy pumps through my veins, I still struggle with my morning self because he can’t seem to get along with my afternoon self.  It seems like every day I set up obtainable goals and by 2 pm I’ve somehow shit all over them.  This is the fault of my afternoon self, for sure, but I would think that Morning Me would have this figured out.  I make to-do lists, and during some afternoons, I don’t just ignore the list, I forget that I created one.

Morning Me is strict with his diet and doesn’t miss work details.

Afternoon Me overeats and sleeps.  He forgets stuff, too.

Morning Me tackles large tasks and completes them efficiently.

Afternoon Me rolls that momentum into a syrup-covered sludge of dumb. 

Morning Me plans out of a course of action.

Afternoon Me puts it off until tomorrow.

I get to plan my day and arrange for the tougher stuff to be done first.  I’ve learned that much.  I need to get it over with because putting things off is a non-starter. If morning me puts things off, I might as well curl up in bed and watch Simpsons reruns on my tablet and eat M&M’s until I pass out. 

I have a few rules, and a few I’m pushing harder.  First, when I feel like napping and I have the time, I walk instead.  It’s basically giving Afternoon Me the finger.  The more energy I can produce the weaker he gets.  I also avoid anything creative during the afternoon, even on days off.  I’ve tried writing in the middle of my day, to break things up and get a word count moving.  It’s terrible.  I question everything, I quit projects.  So, nothing creative, difficult or taxing.  But also, nothing too soft.  I’m trying to choke him out.  Maybe in forty more years I’ll get it done.

My wife wonders why I’m up and about on weekend mornings.  She’s still in bed or easing into her day, and I’ve already knocked out three or four chores.  I’m on my second cup of coffee dressed, moving.  I’m looked at the time every ten minutes or so because I know by one o’clock or so I will stop caring.  If it’s gonna get done, its gonna get done when most people are wiping the crust out of their eyes.

The unfathomable amount of ideas and plans that have crashed and burned because of Afternoon Me is a colossal bummer. I can’t imagine how healthy, fit, and trim I’d be.  Shit, maybe I’d still have some hair. I might be on my tenth book by now.  Who knows? 

Who is this asshole?  Why is he always trying to derail my life?  I understand he could be a combination of a blood sugar imbalance, lack of sleep, stress, remnants of anxiety and depression, boredom, loneliness and extra weight all manifesting in a period of the day where I have to pause and replenish both physical and mental energy in order to function another six or seven hours…but still…what a dick.

Do you even understand how awesome Morning Me is?  I love this guy!  Eats right, focused, creative.  If Morning Me and Afternoon Me could find some common ground, or Morning Me could just beat the hell out of Afternoon Me once and for all, there would be no limit to my success!  The positive outlook would radiate enough to help those around me more.  A better man, neighbor, citizen! 

Damn you, Afternoon Me!