Stop Bitching About Millennials, Please

Here's your new flag.  Deal with it, you old sumbitches...

Okay.  I’ve had it.  I mean, it’s sad to see, but now it kinda pisses me off. And I don’t want to be pissed off.  Everyone is pissed off these days already, and some with good reason.  I don’t think I can stand idly by and listen to old assholes complain about millennials anymore without at least saying something.

And that something is: “Shut the fuck up.”

I read one of those click-bait type articles about a year ago that listed ten reasons why millennials catch hell from old farts.  Most of it was news to me, so I asked my millennial-age daughter about them and she said it was true.  Because of social media, the age-old practice of geezers pointing a finger and shaming young people for not being the same as they were has been multiplied times a million. That’s how we do it in America.  You grow up, you bitch about everything, you become an adult, you bitch about that too, then you grow old and bitch about all the younger humans that are replacing your sorry ass. I’m not sure it’s as global as some of us may think, but it’s as least as American as bald eagles, George Washington, and bottled water.

Speaking of Washington, I’m sure he bitched about his kids and his grandkids, too. 

Here’s what I’ve discerned.  Boomers don’t like millennials because they use phones and computers for a lot of tasks.  They are biased against the use of avocadoes for some reason, and they despise their work ethic. The Gen X complaints seem to be a little more generic, although they also deride the work ethic.  In general, that seems to be the static between the generations.  So, hey, millennials, maybe your work ethic sucks.  Maybe it doesn’t.  I don’t know.  This is coming from Gen X-ers who were too sad, angry, and introspective, and Boomers, the most self-righteous, spoiled, privileged generation that ever lived on planet Earth.  So, take that criticism with a very large chunk of pink Hawaiian sea salt.

Millennials knew from a very young age that the environment was in critical danger and that the American dream of financial independence was just that…a dream.  They learned that shit in first grade. They had to look forward to tiny wages, bloated student loans and rent that they couldn’t afford without a roommate.  Not exactly the GI Bill. They grew up in the middle of a war in the Middle East that no one even acknowledges, 9/11, and the resurgence of Nazis.  They understand we have all the money, tech and manpower to undo a lot of these problems right now, but the government is still hindered with ridiculous people who still have a problem with Darwin in textbooks, deny climate change, and think the key to unity is saluting a flag. 

And your problem is their attitude toward work?  And spreading avocado on toast?

No, millennials are smarter than you.  They’ve figured out that the system is one designed for a privileged few and there are several ways to fix it.  Maybe they don’t want as much shit, so they aren’t concerned with chasing the dream of being a millionaire.  Maybe they can parse information better, and separate hype and bullshit from reality, no matter how unpleasant it may be.  That could be the benefit of the onslaught of information through the internet.  Hell, that could be their legacy.  I will say, though, that apparently millennials don’t like to have sex that much.  Yeah, that’s something you guys might want to work on.

What I hate most about this is that the assumption is that they aren’t tough.  They are soft.  I remember hearing it about us when we were kids, and I’m sure the Boomers heard it too.  Tough…for what?  Why is toughness such a priority?  Are we living lives in the richest country in the world, or are we preparing for ‘the event’, whatever that may be? “When shit goes down, this generation won’t be ready.”  For what, exactly?  Aliens?  Zombies?  Thanos?  Everyone gets compared to the World War II generation, but let’s be honest.  They weren’t raised in the 1920’s to fight Hitler and the Japanese navy.  They were just regular people until some seriously tragic bullshit came their way.  They rose to the occasion. 

Another legacy of millennials could be that they prevent any more tragic bullshit from coming around.  Who knows?

I’m sorry, I have to double-dip. I can’t stand that toughness garbage.  It is such a macho egotistical extension of manly horseshit.  These guys act like they were forged in fire and they are truly only complaining about the most inane crap. “These kids are soft!  When I was growing up, we didn’t have rearview cameras in our cars, we had to turn our heads!  I say a little less reading at age five and a little more climbing trees!  We didn’t have cell phones, we had to use a landline!” Your tattoos or choice of pick-up truck does not make you tough.  You’re a soft American consumer, just like the rest of us.

It’s also scapegoating.  You want an example of an actual scourge in our society?  It’s blaming a group of people for its problems.  Its why we have a reality show host for a president and people think racism is just ‘one side of the story’.  Scapegoating is one of the oldest tricks in the book because it works.  Your problems are your own, and you should know that.  It’s not because of changing sexual identity, women’s ascension through the American power structure, or the mere existence of a new generation.  Stop blaming others for your dumb circumstances, and please, for the love of all that is holy in your life, stop blaming people for blaming people!  Come, on, man!