Get Over Getting Over It
An unrelated photo of sea lions.
I
will always be a supporter of anyone who needs to work through mental
illness. It doesn’t matter if you’re
born with a bad balance of chemicals, or something happened to you that shocked
your brain and threw your life off course. The best thing we can do, with every
passing year, is to normalize mental illness, depression, therapy, and
recovery. Our culture has suffered
enough from ignoring it.
That’s
why I’m exceptionally irate when someone suggests that people ‘get over
it’. I’m not sure if there’s anything
more offensive to someone who’s struggling.
And who’s struggling, you ask?
Well, almost the entirety of the human race, that’s who. You see, ‘get over it’ isn’t a call for
strength or perseverance. It’s one of those dog-whistle things spoken by those
who lack empathy, or those who still believe all people are born on some even
playing field. Or, to continue the
metaphor, they see life as a game and conquering illness or trauma is as simple
as brushing dirt off your knees and getting back in the game.
They
don’t really believe that, do they? As a
society, do we? We have 22 or so veterans committing suicide every day…do you
think if someone went over to their homes and told them to ‘get over it’ that
it would help? When you see a friend
after they’ve lost a parent or a spouse, you don’t say ‘get over it’. Every time September 11th comes
around, you aren’t inundated with images of the twin towers with ‘Get Over It’
scrawled across the bottom. Why? Because somewhere inside we realize that
something is broken or wrong or sad or scary and we don’t know how to cope.
‘Get over it’ does nothing.
When
those who want us to get over it say ‘get over it’, they are continuing a story
they’ve created in their heads. They
believe that they climbed out of the muck without ever looking back and
somehow, they triumphed by sheer will.
Well, we all know this is bullshit.
People need help. Friends.
Family. Medicine. Education. Even if
they figured out a way to muscle through their pain and succeed, I’m sure they
have work to do on themselves, and they probably aren’t as awesome as they seem
on the outside. (The secret truth of Facebook!)
No
one gets over it. You work
through it. You deal with it by feeling
it and understanding it and recognize what it’s doing to you. You carry it with you for the rest of your
life. It doesn’t disappear. You work your back muscles until you can
shoulder the burden and still live your life.
Frankly,
I’m growing tired of these chickenshits.
That’s right. I believe they
are the whiners and complainers. They
are the cowards. The ones who tell
others to suck it up or walk it off. The
ones who think pulling yourself up is actually a thing. I am so sick of these
tiny little emotional children telling everyone how to behave because they
don’t like the way problems make them feel.
They are scared of compassion and love.
They are afraid to look inside and care. Either that or they are sociopaths and we
shouldn’t be acknowledging them anyway.
It takes guts to face your demons and break cycles. If you don’t think
you could use some change and some growth…well, you’re friggin’ wrong.
I
will concede one thing. Although I
believe that mental illness is a process that you need to acknowledge, those
who recognize their issue but still refuse to do anything about it…well, you’re
not making it any easier for the rest of us.
Understanding that there is a path for you to take is not the same as
walking it. You have to do the work or
shut the hell up.