Don’t Knock Me Down A Peg
There is a funky trait out there in the world. I want to think it’s an old school, mostly harmless practice that was used for a benign purpose many generations ago. However, it has morphed into a method to infect others with low self-esteem. The people who use it probably don’t even realize it is an extension of their low esteem or self-loathing. But I can tell you this, it does not do anyone any good at all. Ever.
I guess it could be called humility enforcement. Colloquially, we know it as knocking someone down a peg, or keeping someone in their place, or prohibiting someone from getting too ‘big for their britches’.
It’s a load of horseshit.
Now, I understand why it exists, and why a person might think they need to use it against someone they love. Boasting and prideful people can be annoying. I get it. It is kind of annoying. To keep someone from getting full of themselves, you try to not heap overt praise on something they’ve accomplished. You temper your congratulations, sometimes to the point of ignoring it completely. It’s all to keep the person from becoming, let’s face it, an insufferable asshole. Nobody likes assholes.
But we need to examine the process a little. What you might not understand is that you are trying to help someone, and you aren’t at all. You, in fact, might be the asshole.
If a person excels or reaches a goal, they look to the people in their life for recognition of that goal. Isn’t this what we all do? We try and try over and over to accomplish something and we want that wonderful feeling to be worth all the effort and sacrifice? Do you think achieving that feels good when someone you love diminishes or ignores it? You’re part of the reason the person wanted to change something in their life, and you don’t want to show up at the finish line? What do you think that does to the motivation of achieving goals in the future? You are taking a part of the incentive away from them.
Also, and this is the detail for which you should pay the closest attention, you probably aren’t trying to keep them humble. You say that’s your motivation. I bet it’s not. I bet you feel like shit about yourself. I bet are envious or so full of self-loathing or an emptiness inside of you that you cannot witness success in the people of your life because it reminds you of your shortcomings. The sad part is, as we get older, this becomes clearer and clearer every time you try. Most of us can see right through it.
I know I don’t need any help in this area. I can’t go an hour in my day without shitting on myself or telling myself that I’m not worthy. I’m trying to quiet this voice every minute of my life, I don’t need outside help. I don’t need another person echoing the monster in my head telling me I’m not good enough.
There is another reason this practice isn’t necessary. We’re all alive in this dumb world. Doesn’t life present you with enough to keep you from getting too full of yourself? Crappy bosses, faceless corporations, the economy, sexism, racism, ageism, morons with authority, nepotism…you know…the world! My point is, losing a piece of your humility for a while isn’t a serious problem. I’m not sure our egos need to be kept in check as much as some of us may think. If someone in your life is riding high, why not let them? I’m sure life is waiting around a corner ready to kick them in the crotch sooner or later. Just realize that life is a long road filled with some smooth stretches interrupted by potholes. Go ahead and feel cool every once in a while.
The alternative creates distance. It is a lack of love. It creates conditions to receive love, which is never cool. Love is taking the person as they are at that moment. You also describing what the person truly deserves in this world. And even if you love this person with everything you got, you are not in control of those limits. Be on their team. Good teams are hard to come by.