I Want to Tell You Something

I was born to be a professor.  Or a comedian.  Either one.  Isn’t that strange?  I know exactly what my particular set of skills and attitudes point to, yet I’m not in either profession.  Relax, it’s not a sad story.  But the reason I know what I am supposed to be is still a very real presence in my everyday life.

I wanted to be a comedian because I love thinking up funny things.  The performance came second.  I liked the comedy notebook.  Scratching down ideas and stupid shit. Making connections and hoping that they haven’t been made one hundred times before.  Once I learned what the life of a comedian was like and the dues that one had to pay, it wasn’t the same.  I still loved the notebook, though.  Later, I thought about teaching.  I wanted to learn a ton about history, then spew it out to a bunch of college kids.  I never got that far.  I was in the mix as a high school sub for a while and I couldn’t cut it.  But I still loved to learn about stuff.

What I am now left with, plus a desperate thirst for attention that will never be quenched, are the motivations that led me to those job ideas.  Those motivations are connected.  They underline a desire to tell you something. 

That is what my purpose is.  I want to tell you something.  I want to make you laugh.  I want to give you information.  I want to make you feel something.  I also kinda want the credit for doing so, if I’m being honest.  I think it’s a tough job.  But, I was born to do it.

You may think I am a big know-it-all that wants everyone to see how smart I am, or how funny I am.  That’s not…entirely untrue.  Conveying information to others effectively isn’t something just anyone can do.  How many people in your life do you know who can’t tell a story for shit? Or, they can’t get to the point?  Maybe they can tell a good story, but their stories aren’t about anything interesting at all?  It takes skill to condense information and parse it out. 

You must have the ability to read an audience.  What is your relationship?  How much time do they have?  Are they in the mood for humor?  What’s the likelihood of them already knowing the ending?  

Timing is everything, right?  Is it time to share this?  Can it wait?  Is there ever a time to relay this info?

Mastering this stuff comes from feeling and experience.  A skilled teacher takes information and frames it in a way that will best take root for his students.  You can’t just read the damn textbook aloud.  I don’t know jack shit about computers.  Everything I learned is ancient history.  However, when it comes to explaining something to a novice, I am so much better than a lot of people with advanced IT degrees.  Why?  Because I want to tell you something. I want you to know.  There’s a way to do it right, and people like me know how to figure that out.

So where does that leave me?  Well, I still have a friggin’ blog, for one.  I had a blog before this one and a podcast that ran for a few years. How could I not?  I want to tell you something!  I write books and I still jot down jokes occasionally.  I might need them someday!

It’s me and the Mrs. now.  The kids are grown and doing their thing. All my friends are old farts like me.  I still want to tell them stuff. I thought it was a flaw that needed fixing. I have a need to share almost every little detail of my day.  I honestly do not know what I expect in return.  Maybe recognition. Attention. Validation. A cookie.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s not a flaw.  It is a part of me that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating.  It’s annoying and a little sad, but the need is still there. It’s why I write.  Even though sometimes I wish I would wake up without this constant need to tell you something, I don’t see it happening.